It's the most wonderful time of the year, yet as some might argue, it's certainly clearing out your wallet. I know this might not help, but it could be worse. In fact, as Neiman Marcus reminds us, it could be much, much, much worse. Here are some exclusive gifts that, if any family member asks for them, disown them immediately for clearly not giving a damn about your economical well being.
10. Madame Alexander Dolls For a Year
Let's begin with the modest price of $8,000. For this low, low price, you can get a Kid Kraft doll house, eight dolls, with an additional 11 dolls coming one every month for the next year, ending with a very special doll; you. That's right, the gift recipient gets their very own doll modeled after them. Nothing creepy, just a roughly $8,000, tiny version of you.
9. A Private Flight & Photo Session With Gray Malin
Heard of fine art photographer Gray Malin? Ever wanted to essentially go out on a date with him at an exotic resort? Malin will be taking pictures of LA and Malibu beaches on a private flight for only $35,000. Oh, and by private flight, we mean by helicopter. Truly a perfect date for two; some rich person and the photographer they just met, a match made in heaven.
8. Bespoke Handbags by Olympia Le-Tan
Because handbags weren't expensive enough. Olympia Le-Tan has six handbags for you, along with time for your visit at her atelier. For only $45,000, you can have these six handbags arrive every other month of the next year, as well as a custom case and two night stay at the Ritz Paris hotel.
7. Sisley-Paris Experience + Products for a Year
Lunch with a member of Sisley's founding d'Ornano family? Check. A year's worth- roughly $8,000 worth- of products? Check. Two nights and three days at the legendary Four Seasons Hotel George V, a rejuvenating spa day at the posh new Maison Sisley? Check. Speaking of checks, that'll be a $60,000 check, please.
6. Travel to Champagne and Personalize Your Own Armand de Brignac Cuvée
Cool, let's head to that $150,000 price range. A trip for four to the French region of Champagne. With a name like that, I wonder what you'll be doing there. Spoiler: it involves a helicopter flyover of the vineyard in addition to "sampling." Also it includes Rosewood's Hôtel de Crillon with a 12-course dinner at L'Ecrin and 60 bottles of Armand de Brignac delivered to your home to savor until your personalized cuvée arrives.
5. Experience the Ryder Cup as a VIP
Are you rich and boring? Oops, let me rephrase, are you a big fan of golf? My bitterness aside, spend a perfectly reasonable $250,000 for a VIP week for four at the Ryder Cup in Paris as guests. Guests of U.S. team captain Jim Furyk, that is. First-class airfare and accommodations, and U.S. Team gear are also supplied.
4. Collaborate on a One-of-a-Kind Piece with Stephen Webster
No, it's not the dictionary guy. Jeweler Stephen Webster will include you on a tour of Gemfields' Kagem emerald mine in Zambia. Along with this is your very own one-of-a-kind Stephen Webster piece made with a 7.2-carat emerald, and a private dinner with Webster and his wife. For $300,000, I'd have dinner with you and bring you to my workplace, too.
3. Gifts from Paper For Water
I'd like to interrupt these fantasy gifts by reminding you that you could buy a Colombian Emerald Cabochon & Diamond Ring in Platinum, in Size 6 for $370,000. No? Not this time? Well, let's consider creating two clean-water wells in the gifter's select locale, helping bring fresh, clean water to children and families desperately in need. You'll get 250 handmade paper ornaments made by the people you've helped by spending $50,000 on others.
Wait, you're actually considering helping Isabelle, Katherine & Trinity, the sisters behind the organization, in Harare, Zimbabwe? You must be crazy, let's get back on track: being selfish is key to success.
2. Rolls-Royce Specially Commissioned Dawns
Based off Lake Como and Saint-Tropez, the Coniston Blue Rolls-Royce costs $439,625 while the aptly named Saint-Tropez Orange is for $445,750. The Coniston Blue car features a Selby Grey and Black interior of hand-sewn leather, complemented by a brushed metal dashboard. The Saint-Tropez Orange car features an equally sumptuous interior of Seashell leather, accented with Dark Spice and Mandarin, with a dashboard and doors paneled in rich Canadel open-pore wood, along with luxurious lambswool floor mats.
No interesting commentary from me this time? Honestly, that's how much cars cost, I'm only surprised on how good they look.
1. A Private New Year's Eve Party For 300 Above Times Square
$16,000,000. This is apparently an amount of money people are allowed to have. This is what you will have to pay to reserve the roof of the The Knickerbocker Hotel, 150 feet from the Times Square ball. The giftee will have 150 premier rooms to fill for two nights at The Knickerbocker fit with spa-like bathrooms.
Now, I know what you're thinking, "that is wasting an extravagant amount of money on a party. There are other people, poor people, in the world who need even a small portion of that money." Don't worry, $80,000, a whopping 0.005%, goes to The Heart of Neiman Marcus Foundation. You're such a giving person, guy.